Hi everyone,
Just a thought I had while I was in my son Nathans clinic today getting some allergy testing done. (more on that later, I'll let you know how it went cause this is something we should all consider doing, especially for our sensitive children)
I had to lay still and quiet for 20 minutes while having 'Body Energy Balancing' done and contemplate the universe.
Nathan said something which made me think about the way we talk to others and how powerful our subconscious mind is. He said "Don't forget to take your watch off"
Recently I have been self correcting myself whenever I say..."Don't........"
I also notice how much others say "Don't......"
Instead he could have said,"Remember to take your watch off"
Let's think about that word "Don't" and how we use it and how often!
"Don't forget...... to do this or that or get this or that or be somewhere or do something"
What do you think our subconscious mind remembers about any of those phrases. It remembers the "forget" because as Andrew has often explained when he talks about our subliminal cd's that the subconscious does not recognise 'linguistic negatives' like don't' so in the phrase "Don't forget your phone" for example it is actually programing our minds to "forget the phone".
What about when we tell the kids "don't do that ....or ....will happen" what often happens?
"Don't do .....or you'll fall", "Don't do that ...or you'll hurt yourself", "Don't speak to me like that or I'll.....", If you don't ......I'll......."
So my tip is........how about we remember to say the outcome we want and not what we don't want. That goes for lots of things, even down to asking someone to remember to pick something up on the way home. (dare I say we should practice this on men!)
But most importantly lets think about how often we use the word "Don't" when talking to our children. Instead of "Don't do that or you'll hurt yourself" how about "Be careful so you will be safe"
"Don't forget to do your homework" or "Please remeber to do your homework",
"Don't be rough and hurt your sister' or "Play nicely and be gentle with your sister"
There are hundreds of examples. See if you catch yourself out over the next few days saying "don't" and if you do think of how you can turn it around so it is in positive language.
You may be surprised about the outcome :)
Cheers for now
Happy parenting,
Lillian
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Wow, this is amazing!
ReplyDeleteI was just driving home from a distance commitment last night listening to one of my favorite audio-books.
A really intense read that I had to get in audio because the truths are too important to skim over without fully grasping every concept.
Last night it was covering an area Lillian and I are truly passionate about, the effect that our words have on our children.
The book explains the subconscious programming that goes on through constantly talking about what a child can't do. As well as affirming the thing you don't want,creating a great deal of confusion.
It is said that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I guess I wasn't ready to be a student when this information was needed so desperately in our home. That is why I created the Subconscious recordings to allow me the opportunity to re-word what I should have said since birth, with the benefit of hindsight. I didn't dream at the time we created it for Caleb that 100s of families would be raving about their results using the recordings too.
Andrew
Hi Lillian,
ReplyDeletelooking forward to learning more about allergy testing as I still have excema even though all products I use are safe.
Also, I learned from my sons gymbaroo teacher to avoid saying 'good boy' or 'good girl' as this implies that if they aren't good, then they are bad. Better phrases are 'nice work' or 'good job' or 'well done'. I have also tried to remove appraisal from me and make it more child centered, eg. how did that make you feel? or what do you think of that? how do you think you went with that? Its important they have an internal pride of their work rather than getting approval from outside sources.
Keep up the good work you guys!!
Laura
Great tips thanks Laura. The good girl/boy comment is interesting, I had never thought about it that way. Better to talk about the particular behaviour as you have mentioned. When you think about it we are commenting on the behaviour which is why we would never say bad/naughty child as it is only the particular behaviour we didn't approve of. I'm sure no parent believes their child is bad.
ReplyDeleteThe other phrases like "how did that make you feel" are also great.
I hope others take those on too. Good job :)
I will fill you in on a future blog re allergies. My son Nathan is a naturopath and he is doing the testing for me as I have some food intolerance's. (waiting on results) His clinic believes that many health challenges can be improved by eliminating any allergies whether they be food based or environmental.
We had Caleb's done years ago but might pay to redo even though he doesn't present symptoms at present. Nathan also does urine and saliva testing and he is putting together a package to be able to assist people that cannot attend clinics on Gold Coast or Brisbane. We have also discussed long distance allergy testing so stay tuned.
Cheers,
Lillian