It's been a while since my last blog.
Lots has happened in the last 3 months.
I will fill you in more soon but in a nutshell I have written and released my 4th book- 'If you want kids to co-operate...Just ask!'
This book is based on many of the tips of the week I have been sharing plus lots and lots more.
The book is designed to empower parent to enjoy happy and healthy relationships with their children.
We have also started a new business with an awesome product designed to ease pain stress and tension from the body. The product is being featured on Today Tonight on Tuesday 16th- channel 7 at 6.30pm. We have been very busy launching this and will take it around much of Australia next year.
You can check out both my new book at the Hi Dow pain relief machine machine on my website www.hiddendangers.com.au.
Love to hear what you think
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Be willing to compromise and negotiate with your children.
TIP 20-
Be willing to compromise and negotiate with your children.
If we are working with our children to gain cooperation there will be lots of compromise and negotiation along the way. No one likes being told “That’s the way it is because I said so”.
In a fair situation no one takes total control.
In great relationships there is always compromise and negotiation, whether it be between a child and parent, partners, friends or work colleagues.
By regularly discussing things with your child they will learn and understand there has to be give and take and mutual respect for each others ideas and thoughts.
As adults it is up to us to show our children and set the example. No one will complain about a fair and just negotiation or compromise and it is a much easier way to gain cooperation all round!
Be willing to compromise and negotiate with your children.
If we are working with our children to gain cooperation there will be lots of compromise and negotiation along the way. No one likes being told “That’s the way it is because I said so”.
In a fair situation no one takes total control.
In great relationships there is always compromise and negotiation, whether it be between a child and parent, partners, friends or work colleagues.
By regularly discussing things with your child they will learn and understand there has to be give and take and mutual respect for each others ideas and thoughts.
As adults it is up to us to show our children and set the example. No one will complain about a fair and just negotiation or compromise and it is a much easier way to gain cooperation all round!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Be able to admit that something you did may have been wrong and be willing to apologise.
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 19-
Be able to admit that something you did may have been wrong and be willing to apologise.
It is expected that if children make a mistake or doing something wrong or inappropriate that they apologise. The same should be expected of parents and carers of children. If you lose your cool, yell, try to control or treat your child in any way that you would not like to be treated just tell them you are “sorry” or ask for their forgiveness (or better still both). Children really appreciate that we too make mistakes and are very quick to forgive us, especially when we apologise for any parenting ‘meltdowns’.
TIP 19-
Be able to admit that something you did may have been wrong and be willing to apologise.
It is expected that if children make a mistake or doing something wrong or inappropriate that they apologise. The same should be expected of parents and carers of children. If you lose your cool, yell, try to control or treat your child in any way that you would not like to be treated just tell them you are “sorry” or ask for their forgiveness (or better still both). Children really appreciate that we too make mistakes and are very quick to forgive us, especially when we apologise for any parenting ‘meltdowns’.
Monday, July 19, 2010
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie TIP 18- As parents we are both the teacher and the student. Be ready for your lessons!
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 18-
As parents we are both the teacher and the student.
Be ready for your lessons!
Our role as parents are to guide our children, to encourage and support them from toddler to adult. It is about allowing them to experience life and make decisions and choices that affect them (which are age appropriate). It is about teaching them by example; love, tolerance, integrity, acceptance, respect, cooperation and many of the values important for a well balanced life.
It is also about letting go of only being the teacher and being open to also being the student. Today’s children have so many lessons for us and we too must be willing to be open and ready to learn from them. Our children chose us as parents and for that we must be so grateful and embrace the lessons they were sent to teach us.
So keep your eyes and mind open for those lessons, allow your relationship with your children to include being both the teacher and the student!
Monday, July 12, 2010
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 17-
Don’t sweat the small stuff!
Sometimes we get caught up with the little things our children do (or don’t do) that sends our tolerance temperature gauge up high. Keeping in mind that we want to focus our communications with our children on the ‘positive’ things they do, does it really make sense to worry about all the small stuff. Continue to let your children know you love, tolerate and support them at all times and if ‘the small stuff’ is really annoying you discuss it with your child at a time when you are both calm. The discussion should be to gain cooperation and perhaps come to a compromise NOT for you to TELL them what YOU want.
TIP 17-
Don’t sweat the small stuff!
Sometimes we get caught up with the little things our children do (or don’t do) that sends our tolerance temperature gauge up high. Keeping in mind that we want to focus our communications with our children on the ‘positive’ things they do, does it really make sense to worry about all the small stuff. Continue to let your children know you love, tolerate and support them at all times and if ‘the small stuff’ is really annoying you discuss it with your child at a time when you are both calm. The discussion should be to gain cooperation and perhaps come to a compromise NOT for you to TELL them what YOU want.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Does Anyone Know What Causes ADHD?
Does Anyone Know What Causes ADHD?
Thought this would be of interest. Some good information.
Most would answer no, we don’t. However, we do know the food choices of most children are beyond poor. How could you possibly expect a child to have normal behavior if he is fed refined grains, sugars, processed foods loaded with chemicals, and juices and soft drinks instead of pure water? Add to that 90 percent fewer vegetables than what is required for health, along with an overabundance of omega-6 fats and a virtual lack of omega-3 fats.
If you are a cook you will immediately recognise that this is a recipe for disaster. You simply cannot have a healthy functioning brain in a child that is not given the proper ingredients to develop optimal brain function.
This is not rocket science, folks. But it is easy to understand why there is so much confusion regarding this issue when the drug companies spend BILLIONS of dollars to confuse you with direct-to-consumer ads on TV (in US), in addition to brainwashing physicians to stick to the belief system that drugs, not foods, are the answer for children with behavior problems.
Five Powerful Tools to Virtually Eliminate ADHD!
* Eliminate most grains and sugars from your/your child’s diet
* Replace soft drinks, fruit juices and pasteurised milk with clean water
* Increase omega-3 fats by taking an effective form of omega-3 oil like krill oil
* Minimise your use of nearly all vegetable oils -- they are loaded with omega-6 fats, which distort the powerful omega-6:3 ratio
* Avoid all processed foods, especially those containing artificial colors, flavours and preservatives
By Dr. Mercola | December 01 2007
See Hidden Dangers book for more info on theses topics at www.hiddendangers.com.au
Thought this would be of interest. Some good information.
Most would answer no, we don’t. However, we do know the food choices of most children are beyond poor. How could you possibly expect a child to have normal behavior if he is fed refined grains, sugars, processed foods loaded with chemicals, and juices and soft drinks instead of pure water? Add to that 90 percent fewer vegetables than what is required for health, along with an overabundance of omega-6 fats and a virtual lack of omega-3 fats.
If you are a cook you will immediately recognise that this is a recipe for disaster. You simply cannot have a healthy functioning brain in a child that is not given the proper ingredients to develop optimal brain function.
This is not rocket science, folks. But it is easy to understand why there is so much confusion regarding this issue when the drug companies spend BILLIONS of dollars to confuse you with direct-to-consumer ads on TV (in US), in addition to brainwashing physicians to stick to the belief system that drugs, not foods, are the answer for children with behavior problems.
Five Powerful Tools to Virtually Eliminate ADHD!
* Eliminate most grains and sugars from your/your child’s diet
* Replace soft drinks, fruit juices and pasteurised milk with clean water
* Increase omega-3 fats by taking an effective form of omega-3 oil like krill oil
* Minimise your use of nearly all vegetable oils -- they are loaded with omega-6 fats, which distort the powerful omega-6:3 ratio
* Avoid all processed foods, especially those containing artificial colors, flavours and preservatives
By Dr. Mercola | December 01 2007
See Hidden Dangers book for more info on theses topics at www.hiddendangers.com.au
State sued for school 'abuse' of autistic boy
A must read for ALL PARENTS AND CARERS OF CHILDREN
State sued for school 'abuse' of autistic boy
NATALIE CRAIG
July 4, 2010
A SEVERELY autistic boy is suing the state government over claims he was abused and ''chemically restrained'' with medication by his ex-school.
The claim comes as disability advocates say autistic children are increasingly sedated with drugs in place of effective behavioural treatments.
Ellen Modra is suing in the Federal Court on behalf of her son Luke, now 21, under the Disability Discrimination Act.
Ms Modra says staff at a school for autism in Melbourne conspired with a medical practitioner to prescribe her son, then about 12, with three times the recommended dose of antipsychotic drug risperidone. As a result Luke developed a neurological condition characterised by jerky, involuntary movements, she alleges.
She says he was also physically restrained and abused while in respite care and at school, including being locked for long periods in a courtyard.
''The school was supposed to be there for people with autism, but we wound up in a situation where nobody loved him, nobody wanted him and he deteriorated,'' Mrs Modra told The Sunday Age. ''They told us he was incapable of learning … the best they could do was try to contain him with drugs.''
In May, Victoria's Senior Practitioner, Jeffrey Chan, called for a review of the increasing number of young Victorians in state care being ''chemically restrained'' with mood stabilisers and sedatives.
Disability advocate Julie Phillips said she was helping several parents of autistic children whose schools had recommended medication.
''Schools are increasingly making requests that parents consider medication, which is often linked with an inability to support the child in the class,'' Ms Phillips said. ''They simply lack the resources to cope.''
The Sunday Age last month reported that an autistic boy who had been taking Prozac suffered a violent breakdown at his Geelong school. His mother said he had been taking the drug on advice from the school, and it distorted his moods.
The school said it had suggested the student required an acute management plan that included medication, which had been suggested by a doctor.
Another parent, who is considering suing the state over her son's treatment at a special school, said the school invited parents to a presentation on behavioural medications. ''I was gobsmacked,'' she said. ''They were essentially promoting drugs for our children.''
Ms Modra said her son's school insisted he be medicated in order to attend, and that staff liaised directly with his doctor, who eventually increased his risperidone dose to three times the maximum recommended for autism.
''We were so emotional and distressed at what was happening, we agreed. But we now know it was chemical restraint,'' Ms Modra said.
Professor Alasdair Vance, head of child psychiatry at the Royal Children's Hospital, said risperidone, in conjunction with social treatments, was appropriate as a last resort.
He said schools had to ensure all children were safe and able to learn, and parents needed to work with schools to develop appropriate programs.
Early intervention programs for children with autism were making significant inroads in treating the disorder, and many schools had provided effective autism programs, he said.
An Education Department spokesman declined to comment on the Modra case but said: ''From time to time, families ask and give their permission to schools to provide information to medical specialists about the well-being or behaviour of their child during school hours … medical specialists may use the information to help make an assessment … ''
State sued for school 'abuse' of autistic boy
NATALIE CRAIG
July 4, 2010
A SEVERELY autistic boy is suing the state government over claims he was abused and ''chemically restrained'' with medication by his ex-school.
The claim comes as disability advocates say autistic children are increasingly sedated with drugs in place of effective behavioural treatments.
Ellen Modra is suing in the Federal Court on behalf of her son Luke, now 21, under the Disability Discrimination Act.
Ms Modra says staff at a school for autism in Melbourne conspired with a medical practitioner to prescribe her son, then about 12, with three times the recommended dose of antipsychotic drug risperidone. As a result Luke developed a neurological condition characterised by jerky, involuntary movements, she alleges.
She says he was also physically restrained and abused while in respite care and at school, including being locked for long periods in a courtyard.
''The school was supposed to be there for people with autism, but we wound up in a situation where nobody loved him, nobody wanted him and he deteriorated,'' Mrs Modra told The Sunday Age. ''They told us he was incapable of learning … the best they could do was try to contain him with drugs.''
In May, Victoria's Senior Practitioner, Jeffrey Chan, called for a review of the increasing number of young Victorians in state care being ''chemically restrained'' with mood stabilisers and sedatives.
Disability advocate Julie Phillips said she was helping several parents of autistic children whose schools had recommended medication.
''Schools are increasingly making requests that parents consider medication, which is often linked with an inability to support the child in the class,'' Ms Phillips said. ''They simply lack the resources to cope.''
The Sunday Age last month reported that an autistic boy who had been taking Prozac suffered a violent breakdown at his Geelong school. His mother said he had been taking the drug on advice from the school, and it distorted his moods.
The school said it had suggested the student required an acute management plan that included medication, which had been suggested by a doctor.
Another parent, who is considering suing the state over her son's treatment at a special school, said the school invited parents to a presentation on behavioural medications. ''I was gobsmacked,'' she said. ''They were essentially promoting drugs for our children.''
Ms Modra said her son's school insisted he be medicated in order to attend, and that staff liaised directly with his doctor, who eventually increased his risperidone dose to three times the maximum recommended for autism.
''We were so emotional and distressed at what was happening, we agreed. But we now know it was chemical restraint,'' Ms Modra said.
Professor Alasdair Vance, head of child psychiatry at the Royal Children's Hospital, said risperidone, in conjunction with social treatments, was appropriate as a last resort.
He said schools had to ensure all children were safe and able to learn, and parents needed to work with schools to develop appropriate programs.
Early intervention programs for children with autism were making significant inroads in treating the disorder, and many schools had provided effective autism programs, he said.
An Education Department spokesman declined to comment on the Modra case but said: ''From time to time, families ask and give their permission to schools to provide information to medical specialists about the well-being or behaviour of their child during school hours … medical specialists may use the information to help make an assessment … ''
Monday, July 5, 2010
If you are co- parenting it is SO important to be back to back with each other
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 16-
If you are co- parenting it is SO important to be back to back with each other.*
The parenting messages you send to your children will be way more effective if both parents/carers are consistent in their communications with the child.
Children are clever and will play one against the other if they see inconsistencies. They will also be confused if one parent says and does something one way and the other parent another way. Parenting should be team work. You should both work out your parenting style and not contradict one another (especially in front of the children). Support each other as parents as your joint goal is surely to have happy and healthy children and relationships all round.
*This takes much work from all that play a large role in raising your children, Whether you are raising your children together or separately it is important to be on the same page. Involve people like extended family and teachers and let them know your parenting ideas and strategies. If it works for you at home it will be even more effective if followed outside the home if possible.
This is not always possible but at least communicate with those outside the home that care for your child. I’m sure they want the best out of and for your child too :)
TIP 16-
If you are co- parenting it is SO important to be back to back with each other.*
The parenting messages you send to your children will be way more effective if both parents/carers are consistent in their communications with the child.
Children are clever and will play one against the other if they see inconsistencies. They will also be confused if one parent says and does something one way and the other parent another way. Parenting should be team work. You should both work out your parenting style and not contradict one another (especially in front of the children). Support each other as parents as your joint goal is surely to have happy and healthy children and relationships all round.
*This takes much work from all that play a large role in raising your children, Whether you are raising your children together or separately it is important to be on the same page. Involve people like extended family and teachers and let them know your parenting ideas and strategies. If it works for you at home it will be even more effective if followed outside the home if possible.
This is not always possible but at least communicate with those outside the home that care for your child. I’m sure they want the best out of and for your child too :)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Be a Role Model . Young children are like sponges.
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 15-
Be a Role Model . Young children are like sponges.
As parents we are our children’s first role model. We have to pay close attention to what we say and do around our children and think about what kind of example we are making. If we want our children to listen to us we have to show we can listen to them. If we want them to respect us we must also show them respect. If we want them to openly communicate with us we must communicate openly with them. It is not fair to expect children to do as we say and not what we do. We are their example!!
TIP 15-
Be a Role Model . Young children are like sponges.
As parents we are our children’s first role model. We have to pay close attention to what we say and do around our children and think about what kind of example we are making. If we want our children to listen to us we have to show we can listen to them. If we want them to respect us we must also show them respect. If we want them to openly communicate with us we must communicate openly with them. It is not fair to expect children to do as we say and not what we do. We are their example!!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Phrase all the consequences you give your children in a POSITIVE tense rather than a NEGATIVE one.
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 14-
Phrase all the consequences you give your children in a POSITIVE tense rather than a NEGATIVE one.
Use the word “When” instead of “If”. For example, “When you have eaten your dinner, you can have some of that yummy desert” instead of
“If you don’t eat your dinner you can’t have any of that yummy desert” When you are consistent with terming everything in a positive way your children will learn the consequence of reward for effort rather than punishment for non effort.
TIP 14-
Phrase all the consequences you give your children in a POSITIVE tense rather than a NEGATIVE one.
Use the word “When” instead of “If”. For example, “When you have eaten your dinner, you can have some of that yummy desert” instead of
“If you don’t eat your dinner you can’t have any of that yummy desert” When you are consistent with terming everything in a positive way your children will learn the consequence of reward for effort rather than punishment for non effort.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Matthew Smith story
SUPPORTING CHALLENGING CHILDREN You may have heard me mention this story in my webinar or read it in my Hidden Dangers book. I am posting this just for you to be more educated, not to judge anyone!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfzkDM2hF-0&NR=1
www.youtube.com
Monday, June 14, 2010
Hi everyone,
if you have been following the tips of week you should now have read 13 of them...time flies. It doesn't seem like 13 weeks since I started. I hope you are getting value from them.
Most won't know this but I am currently writing my 4th book which will expand on the Revolting Child book but have more on parenting.
I would like to ask anyone that has benefited either from the tips of the week or from reading my 'Revolting Child' book to let me know as I will be wanting some testimonies for my new book.
I would love to hear how any of this information has helped you in your parenting with any specific or general examples. Any testimonies that re printed in my new book will be in the first to receive a complimentary, signed copy so please let me know if you would like to share your own success story.
Thanks, Cheers, Lillian
if you have been following the tips of week you should now have read 13 of them...time flies. It doesn't seem like 13 weeks since I started. I hope you are getting value from them.
Most won't know this but I am currently writing my 4th book which will expand on the Revolting Child book but have more on parenting.
I would like to ask anyone that has benefited either from the tips of the week or from reading my 'Revolting Child' book to let me know as I will be wanting some testimonies for my new book.
I would love to hear how any of this information has helped you in your parenting with any specific or general examples. Any testimonies that re printed in my new book will be in the first to receive a complimentary, signed copy so please let me know if you would like to share your own success story.
Thanks, Cheers, Lillian
The MORE we give to our children the MORE we will get back.
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 13-
The MORE we give to our children the MORE we will get back.
We’ve all heard of the saying, “What we give out, we get back”. This is never truer than with our relationship with our children.
The more love we give, the more respect we show, the more understanding we are, the more we accept , the more tolerance we show, the more cooperation we gain, the more trust we have, the more harmonious we are, the more belief we have.......
the more this will be given to us in return.
The same goes for the opposite emotions...the more anger, the more distrust, the more control, the more lack of respect.............
So what is it that you want?
TIP 13-
The MORE we give to our children the MORE we will get back.
We’ve all heard of the saying, “What we give out, we get back”. This is never truer than with our relationship with our children.
The more love we give, the more respect we show, the more understanding we are, the more we accept , the more tolerance we show, the more cooperation we gain, the more trust we have, the more harmonious we are, the more belief we have.......
the more this will be given to us in return.
The same goes for the opposite emotions...the more anger, the more distrust, the more control, the more lack of respect.............
So what is it that you want?
Monday, June 7, 2010
Listen respectfully to your child’s ideas and feelings.
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 12-
Listen respectfully to your child’s ideas and feelings.
Your child, regardless of their age will have many worthwhile and valid ideas to contribute and they will also have feelings (that we may not always be in alignment with). It is important that we respect those ideas and feelings and allow them to feel comfortable expressing them. If we do not openly and respectfully listen to our children they will NOT want to share with us and will find others to express their feelings to.*
* If we deeply disagree with the ideas or feelings the child has we can let them know how we feel. We must still validate their ideas and feelings however and not make them feel like they are not worthy of their own thoughts. A discussion to express your ideas and feelings could be good as long as it is not used to say “It’s my way or the highway”. If expressed carefully the child may see it respectfully from your perspective as well. This encourages MUTUAL respect if you have differences.
Imagine if a good friend or colleague expressed an idea or feeling to you. Would you listen and respect their thoughts even if you didn’t agree and perhaps be diplomatic about expressing your thoughts if they were very different. Or would you not validate them, ignore them or tell them that’s wrong, no good or not viable.
The same respect should be given to your children
TIP 12-
Listen respectfully to your child’s ideas and feelings.
Your child, regardless of their age will have many worthwhile and valid ideas to contribute and they will also have feelings (that we may not always be in alignment with). It is important that we respect those ideas and feelings and allow them to feel comfortable expressing them. If we do not openly and respectfully listen to our children they will NOT want to share with us and will find others to express their feelings to.*
* If we deeply disagree with the ideas or feelings the child has we can let them know how we feel. We must still validate their ideas and feelings however and not make them feel like they are not worthy of their own thoughts. A discussion to express your ideas and feelings could be good as long as it is not used to say “It’s my way or the highway”. If expressed carefully the child may see it respectfully from your perspective as well. This encourages MUTUAL respect if you have differences.
Imagine if a good friend or colleague expressed an idea or feeling to you. Would you listen and respect their thoughts even if you didn’t agree and perhaps be diplomatic about expressing your thoughts if they were very different. Or would you not validate them, ignore them or tell them that’s wrong, no good or not viable.
The same respect should be given to your children
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Spend QUALITY time with your children
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 11-
Spend QUALITY time with your children doing the things they enjoy or that you can both enjoy together.*
Your children will enjoy a day out with you or even an hour or so doing something special together much more than any material gift and will value and remember that time long after any gift is forgotten about or broken.
* Think about the positive things you remember most from your childhood. What are the memories that stand out for you? Was it that exciting present you got when you were 9 or was it that fun day out or holiday you had? Was it that time you spent with your Mum or Dad doing something special that you really enjoyed?
I am sure that in many years to come Caleb will remember the special times he and Andrew are having rebuilding and restoring his car. They have spent hundreds of hours over the last few months together in the garage, getting dirty, laughing and learning together. This is something we could never have bought for Caleb. We could have handed him a new car and yes he would have loved and appreciated it but the memories of working on his car and the love shared will be so precious and remembered and appreciated always.
TIP 11-
Spend QUALITY time with your children doing the things they enjoy or that you can both enjoy together.*
Your children will enjoy a day out with you or even an hour or so doing something special together much more than any material gift and will value and remember that time long after any gift is forgotten about or broken.
* Think about the positive things you remember most from your childhood. What are the memories that stand out for you? Was it that exciting present you got when you were 9 or was it that fun day out or holiday you had? Was it that time you spent with your Mum or Dad doing something special that you really enjoyed?
I am sure that in many years to come Caleb will remember the special times he and Andrew are having rebuilding and restoring his car. They have spent hundreds of hours over the last few months together in the garage, getting dirty, laughing and learning together. This is something we could never have bought for Caleb. We could have handed him a new car and yes he would have loved and appreciated it but the memories of working on his car and the love shared will be so precious and remembered and appreciated always.
Monday, May 24, 2010
0- Show your children you are their biggest supporter; their number 1 FAN
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 10-
Show your children you are their biggest supporter; their number 1 FAN!!*
Regardless of what our children say, do or how they act we have to show them that we love them unconditionally and will not judge them or their actions. If our children know we will not judge them they will be more likely to confide in us and tell us what is happening in their lives as they will not fear being judged, criticised or yelled at.
Regardless of who else is putting them down we have to be their ROCK, the constant that will always be there to love and support them through any challenge.
* Regardless of their age (5,15 or 25)our children need to feel our support and that we are batting for them. We have to remain strong and supportive throughout ALL challenges (easier said than done I know). But the bigger the challenge the more support they will need. Any challenge can be rectified if you work as a team with your child. Work against them and the likely hood is the challenge will escalate. They will then look to others for support.
Did you know this is how and why lots of kids get involved in gangs and various groups? Because they were looking for somewhere to belong, someone or something that would make them feel important even if it is a negative influence!!! Food for thought.
TIP 10-
Show your children you are their biggest supporter; their number 1 FAN!!*
Regardless of what our children say, do or how they act we have to show them that we love them unconditionally and will not judge them or their actions. If our children know we will not judge them they will be more likely to confide in us and tell us what is happening in their lives as they will not fear being judged, criticised or yelled at.
Regardless of who else is putting them down we have to be their ROCK, the constant that will always be there to love and support them through any challenge.
* Regardless of their age (5,15 or 25)our children need to feel our support and that we are batting for them. We have to remain strong and supportive throughout ALL challenges (easier said than done I know). But the bigger the challenge the more support they will need. Any challenge can be rectified if you work as a team with your child. Work against them and the likely hood is the challenge will escalate. They will then look to others for support.
Did you know this is how and why lots of kids get involved in gangs and various groups? Because they were looking for somewhere to belong, someone or something that would make them feel important even if it is a negative influence!!! Food for thought.
Monday, May 17, 2010
If you want HAPPY and HEALTHY children reduce the toxins in their home
Nathan (my eldest son that is a Naturopath) and I went to a great health conference yesterday with 6 awesome health speakers. While they all had different topics and different levels of expertise their messages were similar.
I liked what Mark Edmonson said about why we don't succeed- and this means succeed in health, career, finances, happiness, relationships ...anything. He said there were 6 main reasons why we don't succeed-
1. Lack of knowledge
2. Poor mental conditioning
3. Poor health
4. Poor fitness
5 .Poor nutrition
6. Poor choices.
I felt good about the fact that I am working in all of theses areas. Yes I am passionate about health but combining all of these criteria ensures overall health of mind, body and spirit.
One thing that was unanimous and why I made it the 'tip of the week' was that we need to reduce toxins in our lives. In the world we live in there are so MANY harmful and potentially health affecting toxins. While we can't avoid all of them I do believe we can control what we put onto and into out bodies. That is we can choose the foods we eat and the products we use on our bodies and around our homes.
*If you are not familiar with a safety conscious company please let me know.
So make it a priority to make your living environment as toxin free as possible!!
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 9-
If you want HAPPY and HEALTHY children reduce the toxins in their home and the environment they spend most time in.*
We don’t always realise how every day toxins can affect our health so adversely, especially for our children. Many of the health and behavioural challenges our children experience today can be minimised by reducing the many toxins and harmful chemicals in our food and personal and household products.
* While this may sound daunting it really isn’t that difficult to do if you make the decision and just follow through to make the best choices you can.
(You may also need to educate others like the school, childcare facility or other friends/family members that the children spend time with.)
Reduce toxins in food by eating the least amount of processed food, avoiding all artificial colours, flavours and preservatives and other food additives. Make MOST of your diet fresh and preferably organic and drink plenty of fresh filtered water. Be diligent with what you put onto your bodies as well as around your home. Purchase products from a company that is committed to ‘safety conscious’ formulas that will do your family no harm. Look at all products, especially those you use for the children like toothpaste, hair care and body care etc. Remember also the importance of a good non toxic washing powder and other cleaning and household products.
For more information on these topics you can read my book ‘Hidden Dangers’ available at www.hiddendangers.com.au
I liked what Mark Edmonson said about why we don't succeed- and this means succeed in health, career, finances, happiness, relationships ...anything. He said there were 6 main reasons why we don't succeed-
1. Lack of knowledge
2. Poor mental conditioning
3. Poor health
4. Poor fitness
5 .Poor nutrition
6. Poor choices.
I felt good about the fact that I am working in all of theses areas. Yes I am passionate about health but combining all of these criteria ensures overall health of mind, body and spirit.
One thing that was unanimous and why I made it the 'tip of the week' was that we need to reduce toxins in our lives. In the world we live in there are so MANY harmful and potentially health affecting toxins. While we can't avoid all of them I do believe we can control what we put onto and into out bodies. That is we can choose the foods we eat and the products we use on our bodies and around our homes.
*If you are not familiar with a safety conscious company please let me know.
So make it a priority to make your living environment as toxin free as possible!!
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 9-
If you want HAPPY and HEALTHY children reduce the toxins in their home and the environment they spend most time in.*
We don’t always realise how every day toxins can affect our health so adversely, especially for our children. Many of the health and behavioural challenges our children experience today can be minimised by reducing the many toxins and harmful chemicals in our food and personal and household products.
* While this may sound daunting it really isn’t that difficult to do if you make the decision and just follow through to make the best choices you can.
(You may also need to educate others like the school, childcare facility or other friends/family members that the children spend time with.)
Reduce toxins in food by eating the least amount of processed food, avoiding all artificial colours, flavours and preservatives and other food additives. Make MOST of your diet fresh and preferably organic and drink plenty of fresh filtered water. Be diligent with what you put onto your bodies as well as around your home. Purchase products from a company that is committed to ‘safety conscious’ formulas that will do your family no harm. Look at all products, especially those you use for the children like toothpaste, hair care and body care etc. Remember also the importance of a good non toxic washing powder and other cleaning and household products.
For more information on these topics you can read my book ‘Hidden Dangers’ available at www.hiddendangers.com.au
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Make every day a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’.
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 8-
Make every day a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’.
We all know the old saying, “Treat others the way you want to be treated” This is never more important than when dealing with our children. Ask yourself, “Do you like being yelled at, nagged, spoken down to, controlled, treated with disrespect, not allowed to express your opinions, feelings or thoughts?”
Your children are the same. They want to be treated with the same respect and courtesy. They deserve to be treated the same as you expect them to treat you.
If you have a child that is not showing you the respect and cooperation you believe you deserve as a parent look carefully at what you are giving out.
There may lay the answers!
When you work this out... every day will be Mothers Day (or Fathers Day or Carers or Teachers day) as your children will put you up high on the same level that you put them... plus more. They will want to give back tenfold!
TIP 8-
Make every day a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’.
We all know the old saying, “Treat others the way you want to be treated” This is never more important than when dealing with our children. Ask yourself, “Do you like being yelled at, nagged, spoken down to, controlled, treated with disrespect, not allowed to express your opinions, feelings or thoughts?”
Your children are the same. They want to be treated with the same respect and courtesy. They deserve to be treated the same as you expect them to treat you.
If you have a child that is not showing you the respect and cooperation you believe you deserve as a parent look carefully at what you are giving out.
There may lay the answers!
When you work this out... every day will be Mothers Day (or Fathers Day or Carers or Teachers day) as your children will put you up high on the same level that you put them... plus more. They will want to give back tenfold!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Beware: New Mental Health Labels Being Invented
Beware: New Mental Health Labels Being Invented
It seems that the world is about to become a much more mentally unstable place! All that it will take is the publication of a revision of a very important book: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). This publication is the ‘Bible of Psychiatry’ as it describes all the mental disorders known to man (and then some!). It is therefore the first thing that a psychiatrist will reach for when attempting to make a diagnosis.
The proposed new edition of the DSM is attracting widespread criticism as it is felt that the psychiatrists working on it must suffer from a disorder off their own namely “Over Definition Addiction”!
Many things that were previously just seen as being part of the scale of normal human behaviour are described as disorders in the manual. Whatever you are struggling with, it seems that the new DSM will have a label for you:
• Rudeness – Antisocial Behaviour Disorder
• Temper Tantrums – Temper Dysregulation with Dysphoria
• Overeating – Binge Eating Disorder
• Rebelliousness – Oppositional Defiant Disorder
• Promiscuousness – Hypersexual Disorder
• Attention Seeking – Histrionic Personality Disorder
• Selfishness – Narcissistic Behaviour Disorder
All of this labelling would actually have been extremely funny if it was not so very dangerous. Those of us who have been working in the field of ADD/ADHD for a long time are acutely aware of these dangers and should be at the forefront of warning people not to be sucked in by this ‘medicalisation’ of everyday life.
These could be a few of the dangers:
· Increased levels of psychiatric treatment: It is not overly cynical to point out that for every new ‘disorder’ that is described, new treatments will also be needed. It is therefore in the best interest of psychologists and psychiatrists to keep inventing new categories of disorders.
· The more there are, the busier they will be! in labelling everyday challenging behaviour. In this way mental health professionals make sure that they will be in business for a long time to come!
· Blame shifting: It is a well-known fact that taking personal responsibility is a vital first step in achieving lasting behaviour modification.
· People will now be able to say things like: “It’s not that I want to act like this, my problem is that I have oppositional defiant disorder!” If these revisions are accepted we should all expect a world where more and more people will shift the responsibility for their problems to other people.
· This will be a world that will keep lawyers happy (e.g. lawsuits by obese people against fast food companies will have so much more chance of succeeding if they can point to the fact that they have a recognised mental disorder i.e. ’Binge Eating Disorder’!) Is this really the kind of world we want to live in?
· A world in which very few people take responsibility for their actions and in which we will continually be told that we cannot even hope to deal with daily life without some form of treatment.
· Increased rates of medication: Perhaps the most serious implication of the proposed DSM revision is the fact that many psychiatrists will choose to treat these ‘conditions’ with drugs. The implications of this for the young generation are simply staggering. Can we really afford to have an even bigger proportion of people drugged out of their minds simply because of the perception that they suffer from some kind of disorder.
We tinker with the workings of the human brain at our peril and this revision will certainly be interpreted by many in the mental health field as an invitation to tinker on a massive scale.
What are the implications of all of this for people with ADHD? We may need to prepare ourselves for an onslaught of ‘combination diagnoses’. The growing public awareness of the dangers of medicating kids with ADHD (and of the fact that there are alternatives available) means that an increasing number of parents are asking some hard questions before resorting to medication.
This trend obviously makes the drug companies very nervous. They may try to maintain sky-high prescription rates by encouraging medical professionals not to stop at simple ADHD diagnoses. Coupling the ADHD with something else (e.g. ADHD with ‘Oppositional Defiant Disorder’) make it sound much more serious and therefore beyond the scope of alternative methods to deal with ADHD.
This could be the reason for the increase in double-barrel diagnoses (ADD/ADHD and …). These will obviously only increase once all of the new disorders have been made official.
So what should we do when people want to take away our responsibilities as human beings and put us on medication to ‘make things better’?
Perhaps our response should be the same whenever we are confronted with something dangerous: Just say “no”!
It seems that the world is about to become a much more mentally unstable place! All that it will take is the publication of a revision of a very important book: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). This publication is the ‘Bible of Psychiatry’ as it describes all the mental disorders known to man (and then some!). It is therefore the first thing that a psychiatrist will reach for when attempting to make a diagnosis.
The proposed new edition of the DSM is attracting widespread criticism as it is felt that the psychiatrists working on it must suffer from a disorder off their own namely “Over Definition Addiction”!
Many things that were previously just seen as being part of the scale of normal human behaviour are described as disorders in the manual. Whatever you are struggling with, it seems that the new DSM will have a label for you:
• Rudeness – Antisocial Behaviour Disorder
• Temper Tantrums – Temper Dysregulation with Dysphoria
• Overeating – Binge Eating Disorder
• Rebelliousness – Oppositional Defiant Disorder
• Promiscuousness – Hypersexual Disorder
• Attention Seeking – Histrionic Personality Disorder
• Selfishness – Narcissistic Behaviour Disorder
All of this labelling would actually have been extremely funny if it was not so very dangerous. Those of us who have been working in the field of ADD/ADHD for a long time are acutely aware of these dangers and should be at the forefront of warning people not to be sucked in by this ‘medicalisation’ of everyday life.
These could be a few of the dangers:
· Increased levels of psychiatric treatment: It is not overly cynical to point out that for every new ‘disorder’ that is described, new treatments will also be needed. It is therefore in the best interest of psychologists and psychiatrists to keep inventing new categories of disorders.
· The more there are, the busier they will be! in labelling everyday challenging behaviour. In this way mental health professionals make sure that they will be in business for a long time to come!
· Blame shifting: It is a well-known fact that taking personal responsibility is a vital first step in achieving lasting behaviour modification.
· People will now be able to say things like: “It’s not that I want to act like this, my problem is that I have oppositional defiant disorder!” If these revisions are accepted we should all expect a world where more and more people will shift the responsibility for their problems to other people.
· This will be a world that will keep lawyers happy (e.g. lawsuits by obese people against fast food companies will have so much more chance of succeeding if they can point to the fact that they have a recognised mental disorder i.e. ’Binge Eating Disorder’!) Is this really the kind of world we want to live in?
· A world in which very few people take responsibility for their actions and in which we will continually be told that we cannot even hope to deal with daily life without some form of treatment.
· Increased rates of medication: Perhaps the most serious implication of the proposed DSM revision is the fact that many psychiatrists will choose to treat these ‘conditions’ with drugs. The implications of this for the young generation are simply staggering. Can we really afford to have an even bigger proportion of people drugged out of their minds simply because of the perception that they suffer from some kind of disorder.
We tinker with the workings of the human brain at our peril and this revision will certainly be interpreted by many in the mental health field as an invitation to tinker on a massive scale.
What are the implications of all of this for people with ADHD? We may need to prepare ourselves for an onslaught of ‘combination diagnoses’. The growing public awareness of the dangers of medicating kids with ADHD (and of the fact that there are alternatives available) means that an increasing number of parents are asking some hard questions before resorting to medication.
This trend obviously makes the drug companies very nervous. They may try to maintain sky-high prescription rates by encouraging medical professionals not to stop at simple ADHD diagnoses. Coupling the ADHD with something else (e.g. ADHD with ‘Oppositional Defiant Disorder’) make it sound much more serious and therefore beyond the scope of alternative methods to deal with ADHD.
This could be the reason for the increase in double-barrel diagnoses (ADD/ADHD and …). These will obviously only increase once all of the new disorders have been made official.
So what should we do when people want to take away our responsibilities as human beings and put us on medication to ‘make things better’?
Perhaps our response should be the same whenever we are confronted with something dangerous: Just say “no”!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Know what your children’s highest valuesare and work with them in alignment with THEIR values and not (necessarily) YOURS.
TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie
TIP 7-
Know what your children’s highest values are and work with them in alignment with THEIR values and not (necessarily) YOURS.*
Your children’s most important values will ultimately determine what they do and how they will live their lives. It can be when we try to instil values that are not congruent with the child that they revolt or become uncooperative. Our values are our cherished beliefs and standards for right and wrong. They provide direction and meaning to life and can inspire constructive behaviour.
*If it is high on your list of values for example that the children get a ‘good’ education and do their homework and study but it is not on the child’s high list of values you can still look for ways to come to a compromise. For example if the child really loves animals and wants to spend all their time with animals and neglect their school work you may be able to find out that through that high value of ‘loving animals’ that the child would love to be a vet. You can then use the value that is high for your child to discuss that in order to be a vet they will need to complete secondary school with high enough marks to get into university to study to become a veterinarian. This same principal can be used for lots of areas. So find out what your child’s highest values are and work with them to achieving them. If you are clever and work cooperatively with your child you may also see your highest values for your child be fulfilled. (But don’t force them if you are not in alignment)
My perception of a ‘good’ education was to finish high school and go to University and for Nathan that was also in his highest values but for Caleb it was not. I had to allow him to work within his own values and to make his own decisions for HIS future. It was hard for me to ‘let go’. But when I did and Caleb knew we understood that conventional education was not a high value for him and that we had ‘faith’ in him to follow his own set of values...he made MUCH better choices. We could have FORCED him into remaining at school (legally) but what sort of outcome do you think we would have had?
Have you ever heard of parents forcing their child to fulfil the parents highest values. In ALL instances what do you believe the outcome would be?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
What do we do in those moments that we just want to SCREAM at our kids
I wanted to comment today on Marina's response to the last blog post. It was very honest of Marina to say what she has because I'm sure we have all felt that way at one time or another.
Marina commented...
"I would soooo love to see a list of alternate suggestions for those "I just want to scream" moments, because I hate, hate, hate it when my children model yucky behaviour that I realise they have learnt from me! " (see her full comment under last post)
Good question Marina. I know that we have all yelled and screamed at our children, mostly in pure frustration and often knowing it doesn't work... but doing it anyway. Then...as you say we see them mimic us, modelling the behaviour we have unconsciously taught them.
I will share with you some of the things that happened for us, that transformed our parenting from yelling/screaming and nagging (not all the time!) to a more peaceful home environment of mutual respect.
Only a couple of years or so ago our family dynamics were VERY different and if you have read 'The Revolting Child' book you will understand what was happening. Personally as a parent I was very frustrated with Caleb's choices and his behaviour and attitude. And yes Marina I had many of those "I just want to SCREAM moments" because I didn't understand Caleb and what he was going through. I didn't know why he was doing what he was and making all the choices he was.
When I started to stop and look at Caleb as an equal with his own thoughts opinions and goals and asked myself "why" he was doing what he was I could be more objective rather than reactive. So instead of yelling and saying "Why did you.....?", "Why can't you....?" I asked myself... "How can I help?"
Interestingly when I stopped (or hugely minimised) judging and yelling and showed Caleb more respect his behaviours and judgments started improving HUGELY. Hence my "I want to yell moments" also reduced hugely.
So....what do we do when we want to 'scream, yell, judge, control, nag'
I believe..
Happy parenting
Cheers,
Lillian
Marina commented...
"I would soooo love to see a list of alternate suggestions for those "I just want to scream" moments, because I hate, hate, hate it when my children model yucky behaviour that I realise they have learnt from me! " (see her full comment under last post)
Good question Marina. I know that we have all yelled and screamed at our children, mostly in pure frustration and often knowing it doesn't work... but doing it anyway. Then...as you say we see them mimic us, modelling the behaviour we have unconsciously taught them.
I will share with you some of the things that happened for us, that transformed our parenting from yelling/screaming and nagging (not all the time!) to a more peaceful home environment of mutual respect.
Only a couple of years or so ago our family dynamics were VERY different and if you have read 'The Revolting Child' book you will understand what was happening. Personally as a parent I was very frustrated with Caleb's choices and his behaviour and attitude. And yes Marina I had many of those "I just want to SCREAM moments" because I didn't understand Caleb and what he was going through. I didn't know why he was doing what he was and making all the choices he was.
When I started to stop and look at Caleb as an equal with his own thoughts opinions and goals and asked myself "why" he was doing what he was I could be more objective rather than reactive. So instead of yelling and saying "Why did you.....?", "Why can't you....?" I asked myself... "How can I help?"
Interestingly when I stopped (or hugely minimised) judging and yelling and showed Caleb more respect his behaviours and judgments started improving HUGELY. Hence my "I want to yell moments" also reduced hugely.
So....what do we do when we want to 'scream, yell, judge, control, nag'
I believe..
- Look at what is happening, what are the kids doing /saying/ not doing that is making your blood pressure rise.
- Do not react!!!!!
- Ask yourself quietly , "What is the outcome I desire here?"
- If your outcome is to gain cooperation, ask yourself..."Will yelling help?"
- If you get a quick "No"
- Assess quickly why you think the child/children are behaving the way they are. Why do you feel your blood pressure rising? What is happening?
- Now ask yourself "How can I gain their cooperation?" Can you calmly ask your child for their cooperation. Show them that you respect their opinions. You may even be able to ask them "How can I help you?" Do this calmly and without judgement. If you have already yelled or not listened to them a great ice breaker is to say "I'm sorry for that.....I was feeling......."
- Be honest with your children, they will really respect you. Let them see that you value them and can see why they may have been uncooperative. Discuss a middle ground that will make both parties happier.
- Compromise and build on from that.
- In a nut shell.. we can all get frustrated with each other. If you show your children (and age doesn't matter here) that they are valued and respected they in turn will mirror that back...Just like they mirror back the negative behaviours like yelling and screaming.
- The more we can treat our children with respect and value them, the more they will want to return that to us and the LESS you will want to or need to yell and srceam. It can take some time and much self correcting of our behaviours but you know what? Children learn fast, they are smart and mostly they too want to be in a calm , happy and cooperative environment.
Happy parenting
Cheers,
Lillian
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