Know what your children’s highest valuesare and work with them in alignment with THEIR values and not (necessarily) YOURS.

TIP OF THE WEEK- By Lillian Reekie

TIP 7-

Know what your children’s highest values are and work with them in alignment with THEIR values and not (necessarily) YOURS.*

Your children’s most important values will ultimately determine what they do and how they will live their lives. It can be when we try to instil values that are not congruent with the child that they revolt or become uncooperative. Our values are our cherished beliefs and standards for right and wrong. They provide direction and meaning to life and can inspire constructive behaviour.

*If it is high on your list of values for example that the children get a ‘good’ education and do their homework and study but it is not on the child’s high list of values you can still look for ways to come to a compromise. For example if the child really loves animals and wants to spend all their time with animals and neglect their school work you may be able to find out that through that high value of ‘loving animals’ that the child would love to be a vet. You can then use the value that is high for your child to discuss that in order to be a vet they will need to complete secondary school with high enough marks to get into university to study to become a veterinarian. This same principal can be used for lots of areas. So find out what your child’s highest values are and work with them to achieving them. If you are clever and work cooperatively with your child you may also see your highest values for your child be fulfilled. (But don’t force them if you are not in alignment)

My perception of a ‘good’ education was to finish high school and go to University and for Nathan that was also in his highest values but for Caleb it was not. I had to allow him to work within his own values and to make his own decisions for HIS future. It was hard for me to ‘let go’. But when I did and Caleb knew we understood that conventional education was not a high value for him and that we had ‘faith’ in him to follow his own set of values...he made MUCH better choices. We could have FORCED him into remaining at school (legally) but what sort of outcome do you think we would have had?

Have you ever heard of parents forcing their child to fulfil the parents highest values. In ALL instances what do you believe the outcome would be?