Tonight I'm going to tackle one of the comments made in the survey about a parents biggest frustration. I thought of this comment as I have just been reading my book aloud . I'm recording it to make an audio book. (more about that later) I was feeling for those parents whose comments had touched me as the reality of how things were flooded back to me.
I really felt for this mother and what the family are going through, especially because I could relate so to them.
The mother said ... My biggest frustration is... "The isolation you face within the community- and other professionals intimating you as being a bad parent- that you are abusing your child- demanding that you need to medicate your child...actually SCHOOL IS MY BIGGEST FRUSTRATION... of their complete ignorance and understanding of children with challenging behaviours"
WOW!
Yes I could relate exactly to that, we experienced the exact thing with Caleb. From 2005-2008 Caleb went to 3 schools...3 in 3 years trying to find one that suited or understood him. These schools included both public and private. It didn't matter that we paid big dollars to send him there or that it was a public school, he just didn't cope or was it that they didn't cope! He got "asked to leave" the private school as the principal said "We don't tolerate children like Caleb in our School" and in his next school, a public secondary college, he got suspended so much that it wasn't worth him going back to complete 2008 (you can read about that in The Revolting Child) book.
Yes it is frustrating and yes you do feel isolated and NO ONE ,I mean NO ONE has the right to force you or guilt you or threaten you to medicate your child. This mother is right there is a lot of ignorance and lack of understanding. I am both a teacher and parent of a child that did not fit into the "box" and I implore teachers to please join us in understanding our children. Teachers play such a huge role and can make all the difference to how a child gets through these tough times. (get the 'Revolting Child' book to the teachers at your school)
There is so much that I can comment on and I don't want to write another book here :)....
but what are parents to do. We allowed Caleb to make the decision to leave school at 15 1/2 after we had done lots to help our situation at home, but of course for a younger child that may not be an option (unless you home school- a good option for some). So this mother might ask...what do we do?
I am going to share something that Caleb said when asked a question at a talk we did when we launched the book. He was asked "what made the difference, why did you turn things round?"
I can't quote his exact words but basically he said I wanted to make Mum and Dad proud and be good because they believed in me... I wanted to be the person they knew I could be.
Boy did hat make me teary.
So really my biggest tip here is.....
Ask your child how you can help, what they want, what their goals and aspirations are, what is important to them. Then show them total LOVE AND TOLERANCE, SHOW THEM THAT YOU BELIEVE IN THEM AND TRUST THEM AND YOU ARE ON THEIR SIDE ALWAYS.
Treat them with respect at home, allow them to tell their story and make decisions (according to age), gain their cooperation NOT control. Go and read part 6,7 and 8 of the book where we share all of this with you.
These simple principals along with taking care of the 'physical stuff, like diet, nutrition and a toxin free home' WILL make a difference.
Believe in yourself as a parent and believe in your child... that is the most important thing.
We have a saying here at home.... "What other people think of me is none of my business"
Happy parenting,
Cheers,
Lillian
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We chose homeschooling and have been at it for 6 years now. It was a deeply personal and carefully considered decision. It has involved some sacrifices, but the rewards are enormous - the chance to truly share in their living and learning has given us a closeness that is a prize worth the effort.
ReplyDeleteThe reasons we chose to homeschool are many; some are because of my own traumatic experieces at school and also seeing what my parents went through with my brothers in school (lack of protection from other students, persecution by teachers) - as parents we didn't want to be seen and treated as annoying and irrelevant appendages to our children, and of not having a clue how to raise children (we'd been doing it quite successfully for 5/6 years before the education department decided we hadn't a clue about it). But more importantly we chose it because we would read/see in the media on an increasingly regular basis about poor academic standards, teachers inflicting mental torment, and schoolyard bullying reaching deadly levels. We also didn't want our children to be indocrinated into whatever pop psychology was currently in vogue.
So many people say to me "Oh, I could never do that" - well you taught them to talk and to walk, to feed and clothe themselves, you taught them their first manners and how to behave nicely in company, some of you taught them to read and to count and even to help with the cooking and houseowrk. This is what homeschooling is about ... preparing them for life. The UN Declaration of Human Rights acknowledges parents as the "first and primary educators of their children". At the end of the day we are the best educators for our children because we understand them better than anyone else ... and we LOVE them - even the best Teachers don't have this deeply personal connection and commitment.
I wouldn't want to be a Teacher (with a capital "T) for all the tea in China - it's an important job but I believe it is an incredibly difficult one, with little reward or thanks - what Teachers do is a totally different job than what we do as teachers (with a lower case "t") - I see home educators as "facilitators" of education; we approach it from a different angle and with different respources, and because it is one-one-one we can tailor every aspect to each child.
There are a lot of homeschool groups in the community and more than enough opportunity for socialisation (we often have to put the brakes on it so that we can get enough book-work done!). The resources/books we use are written by people passionate about education and are therefore well liked by the children, and the resources are often self-directed.
cheers ~ Marina
http://www.wrightfamily.com.au/
Thank you so much Marina.
ReplyDeleteI actually was a TEACHER with a capital T and still not brave enough to take on the role of a teacher of my own son.
We did contemplate it as one stage as the ONLY alternative when things were not going well at all at school for Caleb, esp in year 8.
When Caleb was given the choose he wanted to go to school even though he disliked the 'system' so much.
I regret not looking into it more earlier before things got so bad.
It is a good option, it may not be for everyone but certainly worth looking in to.
I'm sure Marina could help anyone with questions ....so post away!
oops I meant 'choice' not choose :)
ReplyDeleteMy brain is ready for a rest.
Been a BIG day.